we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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