I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
