She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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