When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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