sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
