I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize