Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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