Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am available for nakedness
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
