Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
