I'm drive I can fine osifer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
