We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
