I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
