So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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