If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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