Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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