The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
