I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You've changed since you got that strap on
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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