Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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