Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
