he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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