you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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