There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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