there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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