my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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