I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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