Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
