I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
