so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
