my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
