Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
