I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
