Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
