Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
