So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
