kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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