It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I have fence marks all over my body
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
