Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
