He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
