R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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