We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
