I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
