You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
