Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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