well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he high fived his dick after we had sex
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize