Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
