You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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