I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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