I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
