I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Still dying that you shit outside
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
