Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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