question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
