We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
