I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
