What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
