Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
