I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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