I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
