I wish my penis had an off switch
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
