You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
