He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize