Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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