What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
