You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
