I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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