Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
