Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
