oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
