I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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