we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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