whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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