did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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