I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
