I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
