I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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