Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
