there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
