mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
