Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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