sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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