I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
