You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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