someone threw a dead crab at me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
