she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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