Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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