Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
