i already hear my dad disowning me
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
