woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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