Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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