I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
