Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
