Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you never un-have a 4some
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
