like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
