I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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