I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
