you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
