There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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