Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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