No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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