I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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