I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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