Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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