Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
