Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize