I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
