i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
