1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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