thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
