Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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