just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
