You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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