The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
