i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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