did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
