i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
