I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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