i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize